How to Disarm a Narcissist During Divorce or Custody Mediation

Penned by Randi Good, Narcissistic Abuse Specialist and Coach

Narcissistic Abuse Consciousness and Steerage with Randi Good
Have you ever noticed how the objective publish retains shifting when working with a narcissist? The regulations, expectations, behaviors, and perform are continually inconsistent. Further More

Narcissists use random and assorted strategies of fear and confusion to issue their targets. The goal is to keep them from at any time reaching a condition of equilibrium to render them defenseless, compliant, and as a result controllable.

It is unachievable to defeat narcissists at their game. If you battle them you will reduce. All makes an attempt will be futile. You will be decimated just about every time.

You are unable to beat them at their activity but you can conveniently understand to play it. You can degree the actively playing discipline once you recognize what motivates them.

Narcissists are by much the most unoriginal species on the earth. They are not sophisticated beings and are not determined by the exact same things non-narcissistic persons are soreness and enjoyment. The untrue-self of narcissists does not allow for them to feel possibly. Narcissists are motivated only by adoration, admiration, and consideration, otherwise identified as offer or gasoline. They devote every single waking hour pursuing it. Techniques of manipulation, abuse and manage are used to solicit it, preserve it and have it.

When arranging to experience a narcissist in mediation, the best method is the one taken specifically from the narcissist’s playbook: continue to keep him or her off balance. This is accomplished by tactic shifting throughout the mediation process.

The initially step in mediation tactic preparing is to discover your options. However you possible sense defeated, as if you’ve got strike a wall in your defense and that your opponent has now gained, action back from your standpoint to attain a different perspective. Realize that there are often options. Just take back again your electric power.

Study thoroughly via the narcissist’s allegations and problems. Obtain places where your opponent contradicts his or her self and/or would make ludicrous demands that aren’t relative to the objective. Highlight all the lies that are getting explained to about you and then occur up with simple statements you can make to expose them.

Planning and execution are equally vital. During the mediation process, keep reminding you that it would not matterwhat the narcissistsays. It onlymatters what you know.

The recommendations shared in this article are tried using and real. They can definitely be activity changers.


  • Respond to anything at all the narcissist states, no issue how triggering
  • Clearly show anxiety, annoyance or anger
  • Act fidgety or anxious
  • Accuse or name phone
  • Act defensive about something you are falsely accused of
  • Blame change
  • Cry or get hysterical
  • Carry up irrelevant points or allegations you in no way manufactured prior to, to improve your place
  • If the opponent has an attorney current, you should not argue with him or her.

Randomly change the adhering to techniques (in no certain purchase):

  • Just say “NO” to factors you refuse to compromise on. No rationalization. Just basically say “NO”.
  • State details in a non-emotional way.
  • Discuss extremely gradual. This drives narcissists insane.
  • Use flattery. If you have never ever performed this or have not completed it in a when, never be involved. You will be shocked. Narcissists try to eat this stuff up!
  • Say “you know which is not real” or “that’s not true” to lies. No clarification or argument demanded. Just say people phrases.
  • Change off your psychological tap. Give no source at all.

Disarm the narcissist by maintaining the strategic goal going. Your narcissistic ex or soon-to-be will not expect these forms of behaviors from you and will shed his sense of equilibrium. The calmer you continue being and the slower you talk, the far more agitated your opponent is very likely to turn out to be, subsequently revealing her real nature.

It truly is significant for you to have an understanding of that almost everything about narcissistic abuse is counter-intuitive. Any selections manufactured with your sensible head or based mostly on a lay person’s advice will choose you in the wrong course. For unparalleled aid and to attain the very best final result probable, enlist the enable of a narcissistic abuse coach and/or a divorce coach. The knowledge and wisdom they can offer you are invaluable and very well worth the value, which in relation to the advantage is negligible.